The stupid mistake I’ve made in writing to my future spouse…
Last week I shared with you a letter I wrote my future wife and got a lot of feedback. Every once in a while, I like to share a letter like that with you. And it seems like a lot of you write to your future spouses as well. I think that’s great, and I love writing to my wife as well. But, if I’m being honest, I don’t love it that much anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy thinking about what my future wife will be like.
I imagine her voice.
I imagine dates we will go on.
I run through scenarios of how I will one day ask her to be my wife.
I imagine all of the creative ideas she will come up with for my birthday and I sincerely hope she will catch on to the fact that I would hate a surprise party.
I’ve tried keeping a journal just for her.
I’ve prayed for her.
I say that I’m becoming the man that she has been dreaming of.
I’ve done all of that.
But, at some point not too long ago I realized that I have been stupid. Wait a minute before you get defensive. Because I’m not saying that those of you who write to your future spouse are stupid. I’m not saying that those of you who daydream about what lies ahead of you are stupid. I’m not saying that any of that is stupid, because I think it is awesome to think about your future spouse and to dream of the future. All I’m saying is that I’ve been stupid. I feel like that’s okay to admit.
I’ve been stupid in getting so distracted searching for and dreaming “the one”. And it is so easy to do this. It is so easy of me to dream about my one-day wife. I can dream about our dates, our wedding, and our life. But I can become so consumed in this that I put it as my sole focus. When this happens, I begin to say, “I’m doing everything right now for her.”
That shouldn’t be the case. Ever.
It wasn’t long ago that I realized how flawed my thinking had become. It wasn’t long ago that I realized that I had begun to place her on an altar. The crazy thing it, I haven’t even met her yet! I haven’t even met her and I already struggle with putting her in the place of God. And, if you are not careful, I believe the same can happen to you.
It’s so hard not to think about all of these things all of the time, especially for a guy who would rather watch a romantic comedy than a horror film. But, I think that, if we are going to be all that we are meant to be and if we are to embrace all that God has in store of us we have to do a few things.
- We have to put God first. You may have heard this before. And you may have brushed it off before. But, it is important. We have to seek God above all else and, when the time comes, “the one” will be there. This does not excuse us from effort, but it does mean that we don’t have to be thinking about them all of the time.
- We have to find joy in the things around us. I remind myself of this all of the time. I have to tell myself that, while there is so much joy and happiness to be had down the road, there is joy to be embraced now! I make it a goal every single day to embrace this joy.
- We have to thank God for all that He has given us. I do this first in my prayer time. From the small things to the big things, I thank God for it all. I do this to remind myself that God has provided and is still providing. So, before I ask Him for anything, I thank Him for all that He has given. This has radically changed the time I spend with Jesus. And it has been such a great change!
- We have to hang out with our friends. This is important. You’ve got to have friends. Even now in a season of singleness, you need friends. They will be there for you now when things get tough and when you celebrate. They’ll be there when you start dating someone and even, and I hate to say this, when you break up with that someone who you thought was “the one”. Only to find out that they’re someone else’s “one” and that your “one” is still out there somewhere.
I know that those seem very simple. But they are things that I’ve been learning that I wanted to share with you so that you won’t make the same mistake I did. So, continue to write, continue to dream, continue to love. Just don’t let your letters, your dreams, and your one day love take the place of God.
-Josh
Thank you again for reading. It really means more than you know! I hope that all that God has revealed to me will help you. Have an incredible (insert time of the day in which you are reading this)!