nonFictionality

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Archive for the category “Relationships”

28 Mar 2012
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Students and Sex

Over the past few months I have had the opportunity to write on relationships for “Wilmington Faith and Values”.  I recently wrote this article and wanted to share it with you today.  As a youth leader, I feel as if it is something that needs to be addressed.  We need to show students a better story!

Students and Sex

I recently overheard a couple high school students talking about relationship struggles.  I’d heard the conversation many times before.  Somehow, in the midst of this conversation, they turned to me and wanted to know my opinion on the matter.  It caught me off guard and I waited a second before asking, “What do you think is the point of having a relationship in high school?”
Without missing a beat, the response was, “The sex!”
Those two words echoed in my heart like someone shouting in a cave.

THE SEX! The sex. the sex…

Media tells us that to be accepted in society you have to be in a relationship.  Media tells us that, to be cool you have to have sex in that relationship.
Media tells us that the more people you have sex with, the more successful you become.

The thing is, while you or I may be able to recognize all of these as empty lies, there is a generation accepting it as truth.
There is a generation okay with being lied to because it provides them with the sexual gratification that has been highly praised by their “role models” in the society.

But what do we do?
Do we turn the TV off and ignore the media?
Do we shut our children off from the world and not let them out of the house again until they are twenty-five?
Do we hand out cards saying that those who have sex before marriage are going to Hell?

No.

We shouldn’t do any of that.
We cannot ignore what is being displayed in the media.  Ignorance just welcomes naivety.
And we cannot try to scare students into Heaven by telling them that their mistakes are going to send them to Hell.

What we can do is show them a better story.
This means that we need to show them what life is like when you live it according to God’s design by giving them healthy examples of relationships and that we have to be healthy examples of relationships.  We have to teach them that their identity is not found in the relationships that society so often encourages, but that true identity is found in their Creator.  We have to ask hard questions.  It is our job to sit down and talk with them about their intentions in relationships and how they can approach dating and from a healthy perspective, the perspective that media rarely subscribes to.  We may have to have uncomfortable conversations, but they will be totally worth it if it means that they are being pulled out of the Darkness that society has cast upon their generation.
We have to run into that Darkness, grab their hand, and show them the strength, peace, and confidence that the Light provides.  We have to show them that God’s plan is better than anything they could ever dream or imagine.

-Josh

Thank you for taking the time to read! It really means a lot! Please feel free to leave a comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Also, if you’d like to hear more of my thoughts on dating, life, leading youth, and beach living you can follow me on Twitter here.

Posted in Relationships and tagged , , , ,
21 Mar 2012

What to do once you’ve found yourself.

I’ve written before on the importance of finding your identity in Christ before pursuing a relationship with someone.  I stand on that and think that it is one of the most important things you need to do, not just in relationships, but, in life.  I have discovered that you cannot live a fulfilling life if you do not know the One that has filled you.
I know from experience that it gets so incredibly easy to lose our sense of identity when in a relationship, but that is exactly why I stress the fact that knowing who you are in God before entering into a relationship is so important.  See, I’ve felt the loss of identity.  And I have felt the strength return when I found it again, not in the arms of another girl, but in the arms of Christ.
When trying to find your identity in God, you have to actually spend time with God.  I know, this may seem rather simple, but it is something we often forget.  We expect a deep relationship with Him to develop overnight, but that takes time.  And it takes effort.  It is important that we get to know Him better. Because, getting to know Him better, means that we’ll be able to see His love in a clearer light. And, by experiencing His love, we will begin to see a better picture of ourselves because we will be able to look at ourselves from the eyes of our Creator and not the eyes of men.
Another key to discovering your identity in God is to trust Him.  You have to trust Him when He says that He has a plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11).  You have to believe Him when He says that His plans are greater than anything you could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20).  You have to trust Him in your weakness and impatience.  Don’t let impatience get the best of you! Continue to trust Him and have faith in His promises, because He is faithful!

So, some of you may be saying, “Josh, I know all of this. You’ve written about it before. Stop repeating yourself. I’ve drawn close to God, but now I’m ready! What do I do now?!”

Whoah there, partner! Calm down!  Remember, patience is key.

But really, once we figure out who we are in God and we feel like we’re ready for a relationship, we don’t really know what to do or what steps to take.  It gets confusing.  We don’t want to rush God, but we feel like we’re ready.  So, for those of you who have done all of the above and are ready to start looking for that special someone, I’ve written down a few things to ask yourself while on the hunt.

  1. Does he/she know who they are in Christ? Or do they look for their identity somewhere else?
  2. Does he/she love God?
  3. Do they exhibit characters of Christ such as patience, acceptance of others, love, gentleness, etc.?  Or do they gossip and talk down to others?
  4. Are they being patient?  Or have they been impatient and have you seen them dating a new guy/girl every time you turn around?  Not that being impatient is a bad thing, but it usually communicates a lack of trust in God’s plan and, on a deeper level, a misplacement of identity.

Before you go out and jump into a relationship with the next person that walks by you on the street, think about the questions I have posed.  And pray.  I know, this is the answer you hate hearing, but really, pray.  Pray about the relationship in the future or the possible relationship in front of you.
God has answers.
You just have to be willing to listen.

Praying for you today,
Josh

Thank you for taking the time to read! It really means a lot! Please feel free to leave a comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts on dating! Also, if you’d like to hear more of my thoughts on dating, life, leading youth, and beach living you can follow me on Twitter here.

Posted in Relationships | Leave a Comment
22 Feb 2012
5 Comments

The stupid mistake I’ve made in writing to my future spouse…

Last week I shared with you a letter I wrote my future wife and got a lot of feedback.  Every once in a while, I like to share a letter like that with you.  And it seems like a lot of you write to your future spouses as well.  I think that’s great, and I love writing to my wife as well.  But, if I’m being honest, I don’t love it that much anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy thinking about what my future wife will be like.

I imagine her voice.

I imagine dates we will go on.

I run through scenarios of how I will one day ask her to be my wife.

I imagine all of the creative ideas she will come up with for my birthday and I sincerely hope she will catch on to the fact that I would hate a surprise party.

I’ve tried keeping a journal just for her.

I’ve prayed for her.

I say that I’m becoming the man that she has been dreaming of.

I’ve done all of that.

But, at some point not too long ago I realized that I have been stupid.  Wait a minute before you get defensive.  Because I’m not saying that those of you who write to your future spouse are stupid.  I’m not saying that those of you who daydream about what lies ahead of you are stupid.  I’m not saying that any of that is stupid, because I think it is awesome to think about your future spouse and to dream of the future.   All I’m saying is that I’ve been stupid.  I feel like that’s okay to admit.

I’ve been stupid in getting so distracted searching for and dreaming “the one”.  And it is so easy to do this.  It is so easy of me to dream about my one-day wife.  I can dream about our dates, our wedding, and our life.  But I can become so consumed in this that I put it as my sole focus.  When this happens, I begin to say, “I’m doing everything right now for her.”

That shouldn’t be the case. Ever.

It wasn’t long ago that I realized how flawed my thinking had become.  It wasn’t long ago that I realized that I had begun to place her on an altar.  The crazy thing it, I haven’t even met her yet!  I haven’t even met her and I already struggle with putting her in the place of God.  And, if you are not careful, I believe the same can happen to you.

It’s so hard not to think about all of these things all of the time, especially for a guy who would rather watch a romantic comedy than a horror film.  But, I think that, if we are going to be all that we are meant to be and if we are to embrace all that God has in store of us we have to do a few things.

  1. We have to put God first.  You may have heard this before.  And you may have brushed it off before.  But, it is important.  We have to seek God above all else and, when the time comes, “the one” will be there.  This does not excuse us from effort, but it does mean that we don’t have to be thinking about them all of the time.
  2. We have to find joy in the things around us.  I remind myself of this all of the time.  I have to tell myself that, while there is so much joy and happiness to be had down the road, there is joy to be embraced now!  I make it a goal every single day to embrace this joy.
  3. We have to thank God for all that He has given us.  I do this first in my prayer time.  From the small things to the big things, I thank God for it all.  I do this to remind myself that God has provided and is still providing.  So, before I ask Him for anything, I thank Him for all that He has given.  This has radically changed the time I spend with Jesus.  And it has been such a great change!
  4. We have to hang out with our friends.  This is important.  You’ve got to have friends.  Even now in a season of singleness, you need friends.  They will be there for you now when things get tough and when you celebrate.  They’ll be there when you start dating someone and even, and I hate to say this, when you break up with that someone who you thought was “the one”. Only to find out that they’re someone else’s “one” and that your “one” is still out there somewhere.

I know that those seem very simple.  But they are things that I’ve been learning that I wanted to share with you so that you won’t make the same mistake I did.  So, continue to write, continue to dream, continue to love.  Just don’t let your letters, your dreams, and your one day love take the place of God.

-Josh

Thank you again for reading.  It really means more than you know! I hope that all that God has revealed to me will help you.  Have an incredible (insert time of the day in which you are reading this)!

Posted in Relationships and tagged , ,
15 Feb 2012
12 Comments

Two Grains of Sand

I’m a romantic.  I’m not going to lie about it.  I try not to hide the fact, but, if you are just now tuning into the blog, it might just catch you by surprise that any guy in his right mind would ever be a romantic.  I cannot claim that I am in my right mind, but, as I said, I will not back down from calling myself a romantic. In being a romantic, I tend to think about my future wife and how totally awesome she will be.  And, sometimes, I write her letters.

Here is one of the aforementioned letters

To: My Future Wife

Sometimes when I close my eyes I think about you.  I think about the days we will share where the sun shines on down and lights up your hair.  I think about we will walk upon the shore and our feet will sink into the sand as the water envelops our feet and you grab tightly to my hand.  I think about the days when that same hand trembles out of stress and fear and how I want to hold you in my arms, comforting you with just a gentle whisper.  “God is your strength, my dear.”

I want to hold you there and pray for you and affirm in you all that God has created you to be.

I want to tell you every day that you are beautiful, and not just to me.

You are beautiful now, though I haven’t met you yet.

And you’ll be beautiful then, even after our years of friendship, love, marriage, and everything that comes with it.

 Today, you may have someone or you may not.  And that is fine with me.  Because on the day God brings us together, I’ll know somehow by the beating of my heart.

And when we walk where the land meets the sea, when we look out on that horizon and we talk of how God made the ocean deep, we’ll talk also of how God told Abraham how his descendants would be as many as the sand at our feet.  And how somehow, He created the two grains of sand that are you and me.

Until then, my dear, I bid you farewell.

 

-Your Future Husband

*I know that I’m not the only one out there that thinks about their future spouse.  So, today, I’d love to hear some of your thoughts and comments on the matter.  If you are single, what are you looking forward to most in marriage? And, if you are married, what’s the biggest thing that you have learned from/with your best friend?

 

 

 

Posted in Relationships and tagged , , ,
08 Feb 2012

There is Hope

Hope is such a beautiful thing.  You may be walking through pain, depression, loss, frustration, fear, exhaustion, stress, or loneliness today.  You may be feeling as if there is nothing left to hold onto.  You may feel like giving up.  But don’t.  Don’t give up today, because there is hope.  Argue with me all you will, but I will stand firm in saying that there is hope.  And His name is Jesus.  Jesus is the hope that we have for a better today and tomorrow.  He is the hope that we hold onto when the days are rough and we feel like we cannot carry on much longer.  He is the hope we grab onto when we feel weak.  For in our weakness, He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Today, I want to remind you that you are not alone.

He is here.

Hold on to that hope.

And, if you feel like you cannot hold on much longer, please call a family member or friend.  If you do not have anyone to call, please click this link and contact someone from this list of people that are here to talk to you.

You, my friend, are a beautiful human being.

Keep holding on,

Josh

Today’s post is a little different than others.  I hope you didn’t mind.  But we have to realize that the battles people are facing lead them away from life and leave them in a place where they debate death.  We cannot ignore this.  We have to be there to remind them to hold onto hope.  So, take a step today.  Send an encouraging note.  Make that phone call.  Be a friend.  Let someone know that you are here for them, even when they face hard battles.  None of us are alone.  Praise God for that!

Posted in Life Decisions, Relationships | Leave a Comment

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